After a two-and-a-half-year courtship, I have been engaged for four months to a very good man. But our relationship has been on-again, off-again. We have ended it each time because I have felt that I don’t love him as much as he loves me….
A year ago I met another man at work… and we have developed feelings for each other. Now that I am getting married in almost six months, I have serious doubts about whether or not I am doing the right thing…. I feel like I am unfaithful and incapable of breaking off the engagement, because everyone already knows about it. Furthermore, my fiancé is a very good man. I know he would never fail me. What can I do? Are these doubts normal?
We have mentioned before that there is a red danger sign that our consciences can flash in our brains when we are about to do something that is wrong. In your case, there is a bright red STOP sign flashing in your brain, and that is why you are asking us this question.
Please stop! Do not go through with this marriage. It doesn’t matter that money will be lost on cancelled wedding plans. Nor does it matter that people may have bought tickets for travel. None of that matters! Do not go through with a marriage when you have the kind of doubts that you mention.
A certain amount of doubt can be natural. If you have been single for many years, you can wonder how you will like having to live with and compromise with someone else. If the person you love has a few annoying habits, you may wonder if you can grow accustomed to those. If you don’t have much money, you may wonder if you can “live on love.” These are normal doubts.
However, the doubts you confess to having are not at all normal or natural. Having a secret relationship, even if it is nothing more than verbal contact, as well as feelings for another man, is an automatic STOP sign. Of course, your fiancé will be hurt. But if you love him, you will want the best for him, and since you are not even sure of how much you love him, you are obviously not the best choice for him.
We have a close friend who is getting a divorce. As a result, there are two children who will grow up in a broken home. There are numerous financial complications. The saddest thing is that we were all with her on the night before the wedding. She confessed her doubts to us, but didn’t think she could cancel the ceremony at that late date. Her father had spent a great deal of money for the wedding, and all the relatives had already arrived. So she went through with it. Now she knows that it was the wrong decision.
It is important that you know that your Heavenly Father cares about your future. He can help you face your fiancé and face your relatives and friends. Pray and ask for His help. Also ask him to forgive you for any ways that you have deceived or lied, as well as other sins that you have committed. Jesus Christ, God’s Son, died to take the punishment for your sins. Commit your future to God, and lean on Him for the strength and peace you need.
We wish you well,