I have been married for sixteen years, and my wife and I have two beautiful daughters. About ten months ago, when my wife and I were about to separate… I met a twenty-six-year-old woman and fell madly in love with her. I told her that I was going to leave my wife in order to marry her…. A few months later, I found out that she had begun a relationship with a twenty-two-year-old employee of mine. That was difficult to take because I was days from getting separated from my wife. So I decided to make up with my wife.
I am no longer romantically interested in the young woman. However, I’m embarrassed for her because her boyfriend tells his friends all about what he does with her. She doesn’t know that, and I don’t like to hear it… I would like to tell her that… the guy is not good for her. Should I tell her, or should I leave it alone? I feel that I can be her friend. I’m really not bitter about what happened, because I realize it was my mistake to want to leave my wife, whom I truly love.
Dear Friend,
You are absolutely right in saying that it was your mistake! She is guilty as well, but as a married man much older than she, your error was greater. “Almost separated” is not the same as separated. “Separated” is another way to say, “Still married.” A “still married” man should not be allowing himself to fall “madly” in love with another woman. He should be spending his time and effort trying to work things out with the woman that he promised to love until his death. So, yes, you made a big mistake.
Unfortunately many men who are between forty and sixty years old try to rejuvenate their lives by getting rid of the woman they married and finding a younger woman. There are always young women who are flattered to be admired by older men, and they are not experienced enough to realize the dangers. Many of those women foolishly get involved with “almost” separated men, and then live for years as “the other woman.” As a result, their children grow up with fathers they cannot acknowledge and may not even know.
So now you want to insert yourself into the younger woman’s life by telling on her boyfriend. Even if your intentions are good, you need to mind your own business! Leave them alone. She cannot be your friend, nor should you have relationships with other women, apart from those that your wife is also a part of. You fell “madly” in love with another woman once, and it is now up to you to guard your emotions and actions so that the same thing doesn’t happen again.
God designed the marriage relationship to be holy, which means set apart, protected, and cherished. You made a vow before God when you married your wife, and now you need to ask Him for His help to keep that vow for the rest of your life. God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross as the payment for the sins we have committed, but along with asking Him for forgiveness for those sins, we must take action to avoid ever falling “madly” into sin again.
We wish you well,
Linda