I am the mother of an eight-year-old girl and a two-year-old baby. Another woman destroyed my home, and my attitude was to leave it all in the hands of God. I never held it against my husband… because he told me that he was happier with her and, even though I loved him, I respected his decision.
This week… I had to call him, and she answered the phone using obscenities and telling me she wished I were dead…. I don’t hate her nor hold a grudge against her; but her words proved to me that she hates me, and I am afraid that, when my children go with their father to be also with her, she will do something to them….
As a mother and for their safety, I absolutely will not allow my children to have any contact with that awful woman. How can I make their father understand?
Dear Friend,
You certainly are an unusual woman! If it is true that you left it all in God’s hands and that you are not resentful, then you are very different from most people. In fact, you tell the story of the breakup without any emotion at all. Either you were unhappy in the marriage, or you were interested in another man (and maybe you are now married to another) or you have almost superhuman control over your emotions.
Our emotions are neither good nor bad. God gave them to us so that we can feel joy as well as sadness. They make it possible for us to love and to be motivated toward good works. But when our emotions control us, instead of us controlling our emotions, we make bad decisions.
When you tell us that you “absolutely” forbid the children’s father to take them where the woman will be, you say so with emotion for the first time. Even though you give us no evidence at all about the woman treating your children badly, you make a firm and quick (and emotional) decision.
You tell us nothing about your eight-year-old daughter’s desire or lack of desire to go to her father’s house, so we can’t even guess how she feels. Certainly if she says she doesn’t want to go or complains about going, that would be an indication of some problem, yet you don’t mention anything like that.
What is more likely is that the underlying resentment that you have not recognized is causing you to overreact. Unless you have some proof that there is abuse, you do not have the right to deny that a father see his children. It is likely that this is your subconscious way of punishing him for what he did to you.
If you do have proof of abuse or maltreatment, report it to the authorities. Take your case to social services and report the problem. If a judge gets involved, then he or she can decide whether it is safe for your children.
We recommend that you begin a personal relationship with God, through His Son Jesus Christ. He can help heal your emotions and can also give you wisdom for the future.
We wish you well,
Linda