I am a twenty-one year old guy, and I got a twenty-two year old girl pregnant. Her mother doesn’t know yet. When she finds out, she could throw us out of her house. I am very worried and don’t know what to do. I pray a lot that God will help me, but I don’t feel like He is listening to my prayers. I am very afraid to tell her mother what’s going on, because in her family it could come to blows. What can I do?

Dear Friend,

We are very sorry that you and your girlfriend have started a family before you are ready to handle all the needs and financial responsibilities that a child will bring. The fact that you are most worried about your girlfriend’s mother and are not as concerned about the child’s future makes it clear that you are not prepared to be a husband and father. But when you chose to have sex with your girlfriend, you also chose to create a new life, and now you will have to become responsible whether you are ready or not.

You say that you don’t think that God is listening to your prayers for help. Just what kind of help are you asking for? Do you want God to make the child die so that you can get out of the consequences of what you did? Do you want God to send you a great sum of money so that you can provide a home for your girlfriend and child without having to work? Or do you want God to supernaturally tell your girlfriend’s mother so that the two of you won’t have to face her?

We think that what you really want is for God to take away the consequences of your actions, even though you express no regret for what you have done. You want God to do things your way, and it doesn’t seem to matter to you that you have broken God’s laws. King David of ancient Israel was a man who loved God, yet he took another man’s wife and eventually had a baby with her. Later, after realizing the consequences, David prayed to God, but his prayer was a cry of repentance. He prayed: “Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.”(1)

The kind of prayer that King David prayed is a prayer that God will quickly answer. He will forgive your sins if you are truly sorry and you ask for forgiveness in the name of His Son Jesus Christ.

If you take responsibility for what you have done and express deep regret, it will likely go a little easier with your girlfriend’s mother. But you must also have a plan for how you will support the child. If you and your girlfriend love each other enough to make a lifetime commitment, then the plan should include marriage. But either way your sexual relationship outside of marriage must end.

Your responsibility for the child is not dependent on how things go with your girlfriend. That child will soon need the love and close attention of a father. Therefore, no matter what, you will be morally and financially responsible for at least the next eighteen years.

We wish you the best,

1 Ps 51:2-3