I cheated on my wife more than two years ago. I met women on Facebook and was unfaithful, and as a result I infected my wife with the venereal disease HPV that I contracted. She threw me out and immediately filed for divorce. But before the verdict, she changed her mind and called me, supposedly forgiving me. We got back together for six months… but I was weak, and I once again contacted the women on Facebook…. We separated again and almost got divorced…. What more can I do?

Dear Friend,

Your question is very interesting. You ask, “What more can I do?” The word “more” implies that you have already done something to try and resolve your situation. But according to what you tell us, the only things you have done are to cheat and lie repeatedly, and infect your wife with a venereal disease.

What more can you do? You can become a person who has integrity, a husband who doesn’t keep secrets from his wife, and a man who has self-control. Until you can accomplish these goals, your wife has absolutely no reason to trust you or take you back. You have endangered her health, and you have shown no signs of stopping your dangerous behavior. She must protect herself so that you cannot give her a more serious disease.

You say that you contacted those women on Facebook once again because you were “weak.” After your first infidelity, what did you do to make yourself “stronger” so that you could prevent the same thing from happening again? You probably made promises to your wife, but promises are meaningless if they are not accompanied by actions. If you had given your wife your social media account information so that she could log into your account at any time, and if you had allowed her to check your texts on your cell phone each night, you would have instantly become “stronger.” Such a simple thing to do! Why did you need to keep secrets from her?

Jesus Christ taught that when two people get married, they are no longer two individuals but a new unity.(1) To follow Jesus’ teaching, a couple should not keep secrets from one another. On the contrary, social media and communication with other people should be available to the spouse at any time. If you take away the ability to communicate in private through social media and texting, it is much more difficult to have relationships that are inappropriate or adulterous.

God wants to help you become a person of integrity. He wants to enable you to be strong by trusting in Him and following His principles and laws. The Apostle Paul had a weakness that he struggled with, though he never wrote about the specifics. But he found that God’s power was made perfect in his weakness.(2) As long as he depended on God and stayed in a close relationship with Him, he could be strong in spite of his weakness. And so can you. Constantly depend on God and stay as close to Him as possible, and you’ll see what a difference it will make!

We wish you well,

1 Mk 10:8 (The Message)
2 2Co 12:9b