I am devastated. I am thirty-five now, but I had a great childhood and was taught well, to the extent that I had never even touched a cigarette or any alcohol. I worked hard, as my parents taught me, so that at thirty, I already owned four businesses….
Two years ago I unexpectedly encountered the worst punishment that exists. Money and comfort worked against me, and people that I don’t judge because they are sick just like I am now. Damnable cocaine sentenced me to torment that only an addict knows…. I lost my friends, and the drugs isolated me from everything good and drove me to the edge of hell. In just six months I lost all my businesses, two cars, and my desire to live. I never imagined that I would end up with nothing…. Today I hit rock bottom…. My anxiety increases when my drugs are running out, and all I can think about is how to get more. I am on the brink of depression. Life has no more meaning to me.
We are so sorry to hear about what you are going through! And we are sad to know that your decisions have affected your entire family. It is important for you to keep in focus that you are not the only one who is devastated; your loving family is suffering as well.
You say that money, comfort, and people (who you undoubtedly considered friends) worked against you and were factors that contributed to your addiction. People with less economic resources believe that if they just had more money, all their problems would be solved. Lonely people believe that if they just had friends, their lives would be better. Yet you had all those good things, as well as your previous healthy and happy life, and in spite of your success and accomplishment, you obviously felt that something was missing.
Your story skips straight from all good to all lost. You leave out telling of the moment when you chose to take that first hit. What were you thinking in that moment? What was missing from your life?
You certainly would not have chosen to give up everything you had for the torment that you are experiencing now. Yet in that moment you made that choice. With just that one hit you threw it all away.
Now that you recognize that you are an addict and that you don’t want to continue this lifestyle, you must get help. First, recognize that what was missing from your life then, and what is missing now, is a relationship with your Creator. Ask God to forgive you for your sins, in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and to give you the wisdom and strength to take the next steps. Then ask for the forgiveness of your family, and recruit them to help you find a treatment program. Cocaine cannot be overcome with just determination and desire. Without a structured medical treatment program, you have very little hope to kick this habit. Appeal to government agencies or seek other resources in your country to get the treatment you need. Don’t give up! With persistence, you will find help.
We wish you the best,