During the last four years of separation, the father of my daughters has not been faithful in giving me child support for my girls…. For that reason my parents and I made the decision to not let him see the girls. But I don’t know if I am doing the right thing. There are times when he begs me to see them, and he promises that he will pay the child support; but when I let him see the girls, he never pays the support.
What should I do? Is it acceptable to prohibit him from seeing his daughters? I have already sued him for back child support, but he has no money to pay what he owes, and in my country it can take up to two years for lawsuits to be settled. He doesn’t understand that the girls are his responsibility; he only asks how much does he have to pay to see them.
We are so sorry for your little girls! It is not their fault that their mommy and daddy didn’t stay together. Nor is it their fault that their father is financially irresponsible. Yet those little girls are the ones being punished for the faults and errors of the adults.
Girls need the love and attention of their fathers, just as boys need it. Many studies have been conducted to measure how the lack of a father affects little girls. There are exceptions, but little girls without an active father are more likely to suffer from a number of negative consequences, including being at a greater risk of engaging in teenage sexual activity. We don’t have time in this short message to cite all of the studies or their results, but we recommend that you make it a priority to read and learn how your girls are likely to be affected by your decision to keep them from seeing their father.
We certainly understand that it is a great financial strain on you and your parents to have to economically sustain the girls with very little help from their father. And we completely agree that it is his responsibility to pay the child support, and that he is irresponsible and lacks integrity. Your anger and frustration with him is justified. But should your girls be the ones to suffer? Their emotional health and stability are being jeopardized because of your decision.
You did the right thing by sueing him for back child support. Irresponsible parents must be forced to do what they should instead do out of love.
You need extra wisdom to handle this situation. Thankfully God wants to give you the wisdom that you need. The Apostle James wrote, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”1 Pray and ask God for His help and wisdom so that you can make the right choices for your girls. Tell God your problems, and ask Him to guide you each day.
We wish you the best,
1 Jas 1:5