My beloved twenty-nine-year-old son, full of life and loved by everyone, had a fatal accident and died…. I am not a one-hundred-percent believer nor do I practice any religion, and after this, even less of a believer. I don’t understand it. I lash out powerlessly at who knows what. God, according to many, has taken my son to be with Him. I think He had no right to take him yet! I believe that we deserved, at least, to be able to make a deal with God to take my life instead…. Where is God’s infinite “goodness”?

Dear Friend,

We cannot even imagine the immensity of your loss. No one can know how much you are suffering, except for those who have lost a child. Your grief, despair, and desperation are completely understandable. We are so very sorry!

You are angry with God, but are not sure what you believe about Him. Yet you think He should have been willing to make a deal with you, taking your life instead of your son’s life.

You believe that God singled out your son and decided that he should die, and many have told you that God has taken your son to be with Him in heaven. Those well-meaning people intended to comfort you with their comments, but instead, you just became angrier with a God who would take from you and keep for Himself.

If God killed your son, then God must have caused the accident. If God caused the accident, then it was God who forced all the people involved to be at that specific place at that time. If God forced all the people involved to be there, then every one of them was like a robot, only able to do what God commanded and having no ability to choose for themselves. And if they were all robots, then all of us are robots likewise, and none of us have any choice about what we will do or where we will go.

Furthermore, if all of us are robots with no choices, then criminals are robots too. And if that is true, then God causes all crime. But why would God love us so much that He would sacrifice His only Son to die on the cross to save some of us, and at the same time cause others of us to commit horrible crimes and die with that sin? That sounds like an evil monster and like the plot of a bad movie, which are not like our Heavenly Father.

God made each of us to be free moral agents, not robots. We get to make our own decisions and choices, even when the consequences of our choices are disastrous. Your son chose to be where he was accidentally killed. God didn’t cause him to be there or cause him to die.

However, God is not offended by your doubts or anger. He loves you and understands your grieving heart. But He doesn’t force you to believe in Him or to agree with Him. You get to choose for yourself.

We wish you peace,