I am the result of a casual relationship between two single adults. My father has always rejected me. He is now married and has three children, who don’t love me because I was born before they came into his life. Everyone in the family recently found out about my existence, but they ignore me so as not to look bad.

I hate them! I want to get revenge! I want them to die so I will be the only heir, since they deny me love! But I also miss having a father. I need him. What should I do?

Dear Friend,

We are so sorry for your loss! You have lost not only a father, but also the dream of having a father. You have imagined what it would be like to be loved and accepted by a father, but since that doesn’t seem like it can happen, your dream has been crushed. You are now faced with a reality that is harsh and uncompromising. It is not fair. It is cruel. And it is wrong!

The roller coaster of emotions that you feel has reached the very bottom. You are devastated and empty. All your negative emotions have turned to anger because the anger gives you the motivation to keep going. And of course, you have a reason to be angry.

The problem is that anger and rage only hurt the person who feels the anger and rage. Your desire to get vengeance causes negative chemicals from your brain to spread throughout your body. These chemicals can make you more susceptible to health problems and even to serious diseases. Every time that you think about your hate and what has been done to you, more negative chemicals are produced. So unfortunately, you are the one who is being hurt. On top of the pain that you have already suffered, you are now hurting yourself over and over again by your negative thoughts.

There is only one solution. You need Jesus Christ to give you His supernatural ability to forgive. He forgave those who crucified Him. He taught that we too must forgive if we want our sins to be forgiven. He said, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”(1)

Does your father deserve your forgiveness? Absolutely not! Forgiving him does not mean that he deserves it or that he is free of the divine punishment for his actions.

Those who crucified Christ did not deserve forgiveness either. And neither do we when we break God’s laws. But Christ forgave those who crucified Him, and He forgives us when we ask Him to. So His example shows us that it is possible to forgive even when forgiveness is not deserved.

Pray and ask God to give you the supernatural help that you need in order to forgive. When the negative thoughts come, find a way to turn them into positive ones. If you had a good mother, think of how grateful you are for her. If you have grandparents who love you, be thankful for them. Turn every negative thought into a positive one so that you can change the chemicals in your brain and protect your future health. Leave the judging to God. He can handle it.

We wish you well,

1 Mt 6:14