A week ago we found out that my girlfriend is pregnant…. I am still a student. Because of that, my girlfriend decided to not tell anyone who the father of the child is. Apparently her mother is going to stand behind her, but my family does not know anything. I have asked the Lord, repentantly, to give me another chance so that the child is not born or that it is not true that she is pregnant. I don’t know what to do. I feel really badly for my girlfriend, and wonder what will happen next.

Dear Friend,

You certainly have reason to feel badly for your girlfriend. And you have reason to be worried about what will happen next. However, begging God to make it all turn out to be a bad dream is not realistic or responsible. It is good that you have asked for God’s forgiveness, but don’t expect Him to magically take away the consequences of what you have done.

Because you are still a student, you think it might be best to keep your family and friends from knowing that you will soon be a father. You also think that it is acceptable to let your girlfriend have the baby without your help and support. To keep your secret safe, she plans to refuse to reveal your name as the baby’s father. As a result, people will likely believe that she has had multiple sexual partners and that she doesn’t know which one of those is the father. That kind of gossip will make her situation even worse.

If your girlfriend does not come from a family with adequate financial resources, it is very likely that increased expenses will eventually force her to seek monetary help from you, possibly even through the court system. When you finish school and get a job, you can be almost certain that you will be asked or required to support your son or daughter.

It would be much better to tell your family now and take responsibility for the child that you have created. Then you and your girlfriend, along with all your parents, could decide on what is best for the child. We believe that placing the child for adoption by loving parents is the best alternative for students. As adoptive parents ourselves, we know that there are thousands of couples that have not been able to have biological children and are waiting for a child that they can love for a lifetime.

However, if you decide against adoption, you will need to make changes in your plans so that you can be a full participant in your child’s life. No child deserves to grow up without a father, and those who do often face years of rejection and alienation.

You chose to break God’s laws and to have a sexual relationship before marriage, which means you chose to take the chance of pregnancy. Now you must choose to do the right thing for your child and for your girlfriend.

We wish you well,