I have been married for six years, and we have two children. My husband is very jealous. I try to not let it bother me, but sometimes I just get tired of it and cry from anger. He wants me to tell him everything that I have done during the day, including who has called me and what they said, and when I don’t tell him he gets mad.

Dear Friend,

Most jealousy comes from insecurity. Your husband needs constant assurance that you love him and are being faithful to him. For whatever reason, he is not secure in your love.

Was he jealous when you were dating? If so, the cause of the jealousy might be found in some relationship from his past. Was his mother faithful to his father? Did he have a bad experience with another woman before he married you? He may not realize that past experience is causing him to expect you to be unfaithful, just as that other person was, even though you have done nothing to justify that expectation.

If your husband was jealous when you were dating, how did you handle it then? You chose to marry him in spite of the jealousy, so you must have thought you could handle it. What is different now?

It is also possible that your husband has only recently developed his jealousy. If that is the case, then what has changed? Have you given him any reason to be jealous? Is he threatened in some other area of his life, such as his job? If he feels that his life is spinning out of control, he may try to control you so that he can maintain a little control over something in his life.

We suggest that you try going along with the daily interrogation for a short time (at least two or three weeks) to see if your husband’s jealousy diminishes. Make a list of what you do during each day and whom you talk to on the phone. Give him the list as soon as he asks a question. Let your transparency show him that you are not hiding anything. Instead of getting angry with him, shower him with cooperation and sweetness.

If this tactic is unsuccessful, we suggest professional counseling. Jealousy is a cancer that can destroy a good marriage, and your husband may need help to overcome it. Knowing some reasons why it might be happening may not help to curb his jealousy, but it could give you more patience in dealing with him.

Because jealousy is so destructive, it is listed in the Scriptures as a sin, along with drunkenness and sexual immorality.(1) However, since Jesus Christ, God’s Son, has already paid the eternal penalty for all our sins, your husband only needs to ask God for His forgiveness and help. Unfortunately, you can’t do that for him. He will need to go to God on his own behalf.

We wish you the best,

1 Gal 5:19-21