I am a nineteen-year-old guy… and I don’t know how to get a girlfriend. When I have a girl in mind and intend to talk to her and win her heart, I feel uncertain, like something telling me not to do it, that she wouldn’t be the best for me. Less than a month ago I fell in love with a sixteen-year-old girl, but I keep thinking over and over how to tell her! I have more than enough words, but that thought in my head that I shouldn’t do it keeps me from expressing to her what I feel for her. Your advice would be a great help to me because I haven’t shared my problem with anyone else.

Dear Friend,

Thank you for confiding in us. Many guys your age have similar problems, so we are happy to offer some advice.

It is important that you recognize and believe that girls want to be appreciated for more than just their looks. Girls want a guy who notices their intellectual capacity and their character traits. It would be good for you to make a list of the qualities that made you fall in love with the sixteen-year-old girl. What does she do well? Is she good at math or singing? What is her ambition? Does she have goals? Is she honest and kind? Does she empathize with the less fortunate? How does she spend her time? If you don’t know the answers to these questions, then it would be difficult to know that you love her. Love includes loving all of these qualities about a person, and much more.

Have you ever run in a race? There is a finish line and a path to get to the finish line. You can’t arrive at the finish line until you run down the path. You are receiving negative messages from your subconscious, possibly because you are trying to “fly” straight to the finish line, rather than running down the path to get there.

Don’t begin by telling a girl what you feel about her. That is the finish line. Instead, ask her questions. Find out her likes and dislikes. Discover her talents and abilities. Ask about her goals and dreams for her future. Speak with her about her feelings for the less fortunate and even her political views. Explore her beliefs about God and His place in her life. Does she know that God has a perfect plan for her? Does she follow Christ and live by Biblical principles?

Then, when it is appropriate, share your thoughts and opinions with her. As you go through this process, you will be running down the path. You might not get to the finish line with this girl, because you might not be compatible with her. But there are many other girls that you can get to know if this one is not the one. Change your focus from the finish line to the path.

We wish you the best,