I am a thirty-three-year-old single woman. I made an agreement with my partner that we would get married at the beginning of next year. However, just a month ago he was in an accident and the doctor said that it is possible he is now sterile, as well as other complications….
Now that he is back at home, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want him to feel badly, because I love him…. He already has children, but I don’t. In my heart I feel like I should stay with him and face the future together. What do you advise me to do?
We are very sorry to hear about the accident and the resulting medical complications. Obviously your boyfriend needs your moral support right now.
Because you are not married to him, we believe that it is a mistake to be living with him. But we are aware that a significant number of couples do live together without being married, and that a majority of people believes that it is acceptable or even preferable to do so.
Each of us has a moral code that we live by. That moral standard is either based on Biblical principles, or it is not. Those who do not believe in the Bible may get their moral code from the holy book of another religion, or from the writings of their religion’s prophet. More commonly, however, today people get their moral code from what feels right to them. Their motto is, “If it feels good, do it.” They trust their “gut” to help them make decisions. To them, the sincerity of their beliefs is what matters.
Guerrilla groups that hide in the jungles and take hostages sincerely believe that they are doing the right thing. They believe that they can right the wrongs of a materialistic society by using force, intimidation, and terrorist tactics. Their moral code allows murder and thievery. Their “gut” tells them that the end justifies the means.
Other people have a moral code that can be summed up in their desire to be a “good person.” However, their cultural background, experiences, and circumstances influence their definition of “good.” They may think they are a “good person,” while others may completely disagree. They have no objective standard, or measuring stick, to judge what is “good.”
Our advice is always based on Biblical principles because that is the moral code that we live by. We are convinced that our loving Heavenly Father designed marriage to provide a safe and secure environment for each of the spouses, as well as for their children. That is why God Himself joined Adam and Eve together and said that they became “one flesh.”1
So we believe that you should live separately from your boyfriend. Then have serious discussions regarding your desire to have your own biological children. But if you cannot come to an agreement, do not pursue marriage with him.
We wish you the best,
1 Ge 2:24