I have a two-month-old baby and I live with my mother. My baby’s father also lived with us, but three days ago he left. Now he wants me to go and live with him at his sister-in-law’s house, but I don’t want to because I don’t get along with her, and my mother is very attached to my daughter. If I were to leave, I know it would be really hard on my mother.

I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my daughter to grow up without her father either.

Dear Friend,

We are glad to hear that you are concerned about your daughter growing up without her father. Part of being a good mother is giving up some of what you want because of what your daughter needs. She definitely needs a good relationship with her father, as studies show that children without a father in their homes are much more likely to suffer from emotional, academic, and behavioral problems.

However, we are very sorry to tell you that there is no immediate solution for your problem. God designed marriage to be the environment in which children should grow up. Just because you have chosen to have a child without being married does not make you that man’s wife. Therefore, we do not recommend that you live with your daughter’s father or continue to have a sexual relationship with him. But your daughter will be better off if you enable and encourage her relationship and time with him.

Normally we would recommend that you get married and then live together, assuming that you love your daughter’s father and want to spend your life with him. However, since the two of you do not have the financial resources to live independently, and you can’t agree on where to live with family, then it would not improve your situation if you were to get married at this time. Your lack of agreement on basic issues may indicate that the two of you do not love each other enough to make that permanent commitment.

When there are no good answers, God is our only help. We recommend that you cultivate a personal relationship with Him, asking Him to forgive all your sins and to show you His will for your life. Read the teachings of His Son Jesus Christ and of the Apostle Paul that you can find in the New Testament of the Bible, and pray regularly in your own words, just as you would talk to a friend. Find a church where the people demonstrate God’s love and where the Bible is the standard of conduct, and attend the services and activities there.

God loves you and has a perfect will for your life. And He has a perfect will for your daughter too. You can trust Him. Let Him guide your future.

We wish you the best,