My wife and I are about to separate because I have been unfaithful to her and have abused her physically. I am this way because my life has been very difficult. I have suffered many blows and am a hard person. Many times I have thought that God has abandoned me and I have no purpose here. I have two children that I love with my life, but I don’t know what to do in this situation…. Sometimes I feel like I am not worth anything, and the truth is that I am desperate.
Dear Friend,
We are sorry to hear that you have had such a difficult life, and even more sorry to hear that you have been making life difficult for your wife and children. You have some decisions now, and the choices that you make will determine your future and the future of your innocent children and your wife.
Your first decision is how you are going to handle your separation from your wife. We agree that you should be separated, because your tendency toward physical abuse makes staying together very dangerous for both your wife and your children. So will you give in to your thoughts of worthlessness and decide to give up on your family? Will you make excuses for your behavior instead of taking responsibility for your actions? Will you continue to be a person who is difficult to live with, or will you decide to change for the sake of your children?
You say that sometimes you feel worthless. But you know that you are guilty of infidelity and abuse, so saying that you feel worthless is almost like saying that no one should expect anything different from you because you aren’t worth anything and therefore can’t be expected to do anything right.
Feeling worthless is also a way to feel sorry for yourself instead of focusing on feeling sorry for the situation in which you have put your wife and children. Are you sorry for being unfaithful? Do you regret hitting your wife? Do you feel badly about how you have acted in front of your children? Can you spend some time thinking about those that you have hurt instead of feeling sorry for yourself?
You also say that you have thought many times that God has abandoned you. The truth is that you have abandoned God. He has offered you the sacrifice of His only Son on the cross to pay the penalty for all your sins, but instead of accepting His offer, you have rejected Him and have continued your hurtful and sinful behavior.
You now have the choice to ask for God’s forgiveness in the name of His Son Jesus Christ. But when you do that, you must be so sorry for your sins that you will do everything possible to change your behavior and attitudes in the future. It is not enough to ask God’s forgiveness if you are not truly repentant of all that you have done. True repentance is accompanied by a change in behavior.
Finally, you say that you love your children. Please read Case 312 at message2conscience.com to find out what steps you can take to restore your relationship with them. We recommend that you immediately seek professional counseling so that you can become a great father and a kind man, whether or not you are eventually able to convince your wife that you have changed.
We wish you the best,
Linda