My girlfriend and I have been having sexual relations. We are young, and our parents doubt that we will ever get married. Right now I am afraid of what could happen. If my girlfriend is pregnant, both of us want to go ahead and get married, but we don’t have the financial resources to do that. Our parents obviously will take the news badly.
I don’t know what I am doing with my life. I have a lot of fear. I always wanted to be an example to others, including my girlfriend; but now I feel like a bad son. I don’t want to break up with my girlfriend, but I don’t want to fail God either.
Dear Friend,
It is very wise of you to be thinking of potential consequences of your actions. So many people avoid thinking about what could happen until after it already has happened! Thinking ahead and trying to prevent extremely difficult consequences is the difference between a wise person and a foolish one. If you follow our Cases of the Week, you will notice that many people are already suffering from the consequences of their actions and now wish desperately that they had not done whatever it was that caused their current distress. They want to rewind the clock to go back to before, but that is never possible. In your case, however, you can prevent future consequences and distress by taking action now.
All of us face temptations. We may be tempted to eat too much, try illegal drugs, or have sex outside of marriage. The wise person recognizes the temptation and makes a plan to resist it. Just because you have given in to the temptation in the past does not mean that you must continue to do so. But to avoid giving in again, you must have a plan.
Read Case 365 at message2conscience.com to find a variety of ways to carry out a plan, including having an accountability partner. Immediately discuss this with your girlfriend and make an agreement that you will avoid going to all the places where you have been having sexual relations. If necessary, decide to only see each other in public places. Will it be easy? Absolutely not! Will it be convenient? No, not at all! But it is the only way to maintain your relationship with your girlfriend and also avoid disastrous consequences.
Your conscience is working well. It is warning you of danger. God uses our conscience to speak to us and keep us from sinning. The bad news is that all sin separates us from God, whether it be having sex with someone we are not married to, lying, cheating, stealing, or murdering. But the good news is that God’s Son, Jesus Christ, died on the cross so that He could conquer and forgive sin. He paid the eternal consequences of sin so that we don’t have to. If you are really sorry for your sin, then you will not only ask God to forgive you, but you will also make and keep a plan to stop sinning in that same way.
We wish you the best,
Linda