Three years ago, I met my girlfriend and her two daughters. I don’t know what came over me and caused me to commit the worst mistake of my life. Without thinking, I let myself be caught up in the antics of one of the girls, and I took the liberty to touch her inappropriately. That ended up getting me in serious trouble… I was at the point of going to prison, accused of raping her. She is nine years old…. My girlfriend and I had a daughter together and, because of what I did, I am now separated from both my own daughter and her mother.
A few months ago, I sought God’s help and asked for His forgiveness for what happened; but my consciousness of guilt won’t leave me in peace, and no matter how much I wish I could feel the presence of God in my heart and know that He has forgiven me, I don’t feel it…. If I go to prison as a result, I will accept it without question, because I can’t be happy…. I am very sorry!
We are glad that you have asked for God’s forgiveness and that you want to have a personal relationship with Him. There is no sin that is too horrible for God to forgive. But make no mistake, even though God forgives the eternal consequences, he does not forgive or take away the natural consequences.
You sinned against God, but you also sinned against an innocent nine-year-old girl. You changed the life of that little girl, and she will never be the same. She has to live with the consequences of what you did to her for the rest of her life. Should you have a guilt-free heart while she deals with the aftermath of having been molested? Do you think that God should relieve you of the shame and guilt while she suffers shame and confusion for her entire life?
When you accept the forgiveness of God, the eternal punishment of what you have done is transferred to His Son Jesus Christ. You do not have to be eternally punished for breaking God’s laws. You do not have to feel guilty for the way that your actions have offended God, because Christ paid the penalty for you to now be clean before God.
However, what you did will always be a sad chapter of your life, and it is only reasonable that you should never stop feeling sadness for that little girl. Accept your punishment and determine to get professional treatment for your sexual attraction to a child.
You say that you have the desire to feel God’s presence in your life, but you should never pursue feelings, because feelings can’t be trusted. Instead, have faith that God is with you. With His help, pursue righteousness, which is doing the right thing in every circumstance. Seek God by reading the Bible and praying, and expect that He will communicate with you.
We wish you the best,