A girl from my past, who I have always been in love with, showed up again. She told me that she was married and had a daughter, but that the marriage was solely for the purpose of getting her a visa to another country, and that when she had it in hand, she would get a divorce and marry me. The problem is that I have caught her in a lot of lies…. She says that she loves me, but I’m not sure if it is really me that she loves or the financial help that I give to her.

I got the phone number of her best friend, and she told me about many things that my girlfriend has done, such as being unfaithful and getting men to fall in love with her so they will give her money….

I don’t know what to do. I have cried many nights because of her…. I have sunk into a depression. I do nothing more than go to work and then come home and lock myself in my room.

Dear Friend,

We hope that you will follow through on the advice that we are going to give you, even though you are not going to like it and you will find it harsh. However, in spite of those feelings, you will prove what is really true about your character by how you respond to our advice.

There are virtual red danger lights and signs flashing all around you, and yet you say you don’t know what to do. It is as if you are standing in the middle of a street with a huge truck speeding toward you, and you are frozen in place. Not only will you not move, but you are despondent just thinking that you may have to move out of the way to save your own life.

You are allowing your emotions to rule you. Instead of heeding all the danger signs and thinking about the situation logically, you have closed your mind to reason and truth. Of course, it is sad that you love an unobtainable woman who lacks integrity, and it is fine to feel sad that you must break off all communication with her immediately. But getting despondent and letting your emotions rule your entire existence demonstrates a weakness of character, an absence of courage, and a complete disregard for honesty and authenticity.

God understands how you feel, as He loves us in spite of our unfaithfulness to Him. When we try to fool Him or to placate Him with flimsy traditions, He grieves as you have been grieving. But just as He is the author of love, He also established justice. So, even though He loves us, He doesn’t let His love overrule His justice.

If we choose not to love God nor to become followers of His Son Jesus Christ, He doesn’t force us to do so. Instead, He allows us to set ourselves free from His care, just as you must set yourself free from the emotional bond with this married woman who you think of as your girlfriend.

We wish you the best,