After fourteen years of marriage, I met an older man and I was very attracted to him. We had an affair that lasted almost three months, until my husband found out what was going on….
More than two months have passed since the day that my husband found out. You can’t imagine how sorry I am about all of this…. I want to save my marriage until God decides that it’s over, but I feel that God has left me alone because every day my husband seems more distant…. I need help. I don’t want my marriage to end, even though I know that it’s all my fault.
It is good that you acknowledge that you are to blame for the problems in your marriage. Some people who have affairs try to blame their actions on others. They say that they would not have been unfaithful if their spouse had met all their needs. Of course, that is just an excuse that they use to try and justify their behavior. But no excuse or reason justifies infidelity, and fortunately you have not tried to shift the blame on to someone else.
When you say that you want to stay in the marriage until God decides it’s over, you seem to be forgetting that God designed marriage to last until the death of one of the spouses. Almost all marriage vows say “until death do us part.” This vow is based on what Jesus Christ, God’s Son, taught when he said that a husband and wife become one, and that no one should try to divide them into two parts again.1 So, according to Jesus’ own words, God will decide your marriage is over only when one of you has passed away.
You also say that because your husband seems to be getting more distant, you think that God has left you. It sounds like you are saying that if God were with you, you think He would force your husband to act as if nothing had happened. And it sounds like you believe that if God is with you, He is obligated to make other people do things the way you want. Do you think, then, that there should be no consequences for your actions as long as God is with you? Do you really believe that you can break one or all of God’s laws (such as the commandment to be faithful to your husband) and that God is supposed to overlook what you have done?
Unfortunately, your ideas about God are based on what you want to be true and not on what the Scriptures say. God is our Heavenly Father who wants the best for each of us. Motivated by His love, He has given us laws to keep us from getting into trouble. But when we choose to disobey His laws, we should not expect Him to keep us from suffering the consequences. Of course, He will forgive us if we are truly sorry when we ask Him for forgiveness, but we will still have to face the natural consequences of our actions.
We wish you the best,
1 Mt 19:6