I have sinned. I have touched my eleven-year-old daughter’s body in an inappropriate manner. I feel very sorry and I don’t want to do it again, but I feel like a slave to my desires and I don’t know how to stop. I need help because my mind even fixates on having intimate relations with her. I have considered turning myself in to the police so my daughter will not be harmed, and have even thought of mutilating myself. Help me! I feel ashamed and have brought shame on Jesus Christ.

Dear Friend,

Yours is a very serious situation, so we beg you to follow our advice. Your daughter’s future health and well-being are at stake. You have the power to ruin her life, but you also have the power to protect her.

Your thoughts of going to the police and of mutilating yourself demonstrate that you realize what dangerous and disastrous thoughts you are having. But realizing the danger and being sorry are not enough to protect your daughter. The fact that you admit that you are like a slave to your thoughts and temptations means that she continues to be in serious danger.

You must tell your wife immediately and explain why you cannot stay in the home with your family. Although you will continue to be responsible for them and love them, you must live somewhere else and only visit when your wife can be right beside you at every moment.

You know that you have sinned against God, and we understand that you have probably told Him how sorry you are. But it is still necessary to ask for His forgiveness for this sin and for every other sin in your life. He is willing to forgive any sin, as long as you are truly sorry and willing to begin living according to His standards, as found in the Scriptures.

However, although God’s forgiveness will help you spiritually, He expects you to do the difficult work of going through medical treatment for your dangerous temptations. You see, while it is true that God does not condemn us for our sins, but rather forgives them, He does not take away the natural consequences of what we have done.

You must face those consequences for your actions. If your wife believes that what you have already done deserves legal action, then she may turn you in to the police. And she would be totally right to do so. However, if she believes that your daughter is unaware of what you did, then your wife must insist that you find treatment from a professional that specializes in helping people with deviant and incestuous thoughts.

Your wife’s first responsibility is to protect her daughter. It is of utmost importance that mothers believe whatever their children tell them about any kind of abuse and become advocates for them. Women who don’t advocate for their sexually-abused children become just as guilty as the abusers.

Your daughter is the victim in this situation, not you. Keep that in mind.

Do the right thing!