For four years I had a romantic relationship with a girl, but during the last year I told her that I wanted to keep studying and pursuing a Master’s degree in Administration and another one in Biblical Studies. That bothered her a lot, to the extent of making me choose between her and my studies.

However, after a month she told me that God had told her I wasn’t the right person for her, and that a friend who had been writing to her during those days was the right one. So she broke up with me, and that left me very confused and hurt.

A year has now passed, and I still love her and it hurts to see her and my friend. What should I do about this situation?

Dear Friend,

We are so sorry to hear about the emotional pain that you are still experiencing even though an entire year has passed! Of course, you were hurt by the breakup, but it sounds like you were also confused by the fact that your ex-girlfriend told you that she had heard from God so definitively. You have probably asked yourself why God didn’t tell you the same thing that He supposedly told her.

Before we talk about God’s will, let’s consider the ultimatum that this ex-girlfriend gave you. She said you had to choose between what you wanted and believed was best for you, and what she wanted and believed was best for you. In other words, she wanted to manipulate you into doing things her way, whether or not that was really the best plan for your life. So at the moment that she asked you to choose, she revealed that she was not the girl for you.

Many people, just like your ex-girlfriend, are confused about how to find God’s plan for their lives. They often make their decisions based on their emotions rather than what God might want for them. They even tell God what they have already decided, and then expect Him to approve it.

So how can we genuinely hear from God about the details of our lives? The Apostle Paul gives us the answer in one of his letters. He says: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”(1)

How can we renew our minds so that we can think how God thinks and understand what He wants for us?

Let me tell you about the best friend that I have had for more than forty years. We have spent countless hours doing things together and also just talking. If you asked me a question about what she would want, I could usually answer that question because I know her so well. The closer our friendship, the more I know how she thinks.

It is exactly the same way with God and His will. The closer we are to Him, the more we know what He wants. And the way we stay close to Him is by communicating with Him through daily prayer and reading what He has already told us in the Bible.

We believe that God’s will regarding that girl has already come to pass. All you have to do is trust that He knows what He is doing.

We wish you the best,

1 Ro 12:2