Not long ago I found out that my boyfriend was about to become a father…. He admitted that it was true, but said that he no longer has any relationship with the baby’s mother….
Now the baby has been born and my boyfriend legally acknowledged that he is the father. As pertains to me, he said that he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me because he’s happy being with me.
My boyfriend is accepting responsibility for the financial needs of the child, but doesn’t want to renew a romantic relationship with the baby’s mother. This all has really bothered me and I have thought of breaking up with him. I want to do what’s right. I don’t know if the right thing is to continue a romantic relationship with him when there is a baby involved. I look forward to your advice.
We are very happy to hear that you are listening to the voice of your conscience. It is telling you that if you stay with your boyfriend, that will likely cause him to participate less in his child’s life. You don’t want to be even partially to blame for a father neglecting his child.
You know that, even though your boyfriend says that he won’t get back together with the child’s mother, he could change his mind if you were not a part of his life. But even if he never were to get back together with her, you don’t want to be the one who is responsible for that decision.
It seems like you are a compassionate person who really cares about doing the right thing for the child. We congratulate you for being able to think of the needs of the innocent baby even above your own needs.
You don’t mention whether or not you are involved in an intimate relationship with your boyfriend. We would guess that you probably are, based on the fact that he was intimately involved with his last girlfriend. What if you were to get pregnant too? What if you were forced to fight for the rights of your child against another mother who is trying to fight for the rights of her child? Even if you were to marry your boyfriend, it would always be that mother’s child against yours. The only way to prevent that from happening is to break off with your boyfriend immediately. Make it final and non-negotiable, because he will keep trying to win you back until you stop all communication with him.
We recommend that you read Cases 76 and 302 to find out about two women who were in situations similar to yours. We also recommend that you turn to your Heavenly Father to give you the help and strength that you need. We can assure you that His perfect plan for your life does not include you staying in a relationship that will only bring you conflict and heartache.
We wish you the best,