I got married eleven years ago…. We have a nine-year-old son…. Recently I found out that my husband has a seven-month-old baby girl with another woman…. I decided to forgive him. He says he doesn’t have anything to do with the mother of that baby girl anymore.
However, I don’t know how to get over this. I don’t know how to get past the sadness and pain. I have had three miscarriages, and I can’t conceive another child. This is indescribable. I love him. I have prayed asking God to help me heal this wound, but my happiness has simply evaporated.
We are so very sorry for what has happened to you! In addition to the sadness of not being able to have more children, you were betrayed by your husband and now face an uncertain future. All of this coming at the same time has caused great emotional pain. No wonder you feel burdened down and grief stricken!
Your decision to forgive your husband was the wise thing to do. An unwillingness to forgive has been shown to lead to many physical ailments, including high blood pressure and stress-induced illnesses.1 The tremendous emotional pain that you are feeling would be worse if you had not decided to forgive.
Of course, God’s plan is for us to practice forgiveness. In fact, His Son Jesus Christ said that we cannot be forgiven of our own sins unless we forgive others.2 That means that choosing to forgive has positive consequences that are both physical and spiritual.
However, the natural consequences of your husband’s actions do not go away just because you have forgiven him. The most important natural consequence in this case is an innocent child who has done nothing to deserve an absentee father. That child needs your husband’s love and care just as much as your son does. We encourage you to read Case 147 to learn about another woman who found herself in your same situation. The recommendations that we gave to her apply to you likewise.
Even though you forgave your husband, the fact is that he did betray you. Your marriage cannot be saved if he continues to be unfaithful. It is his responsibility now to prove himself worthy of your trust. However, it is your responsibility to accept the fact that his love and care for his baby girl is a completely different kind of love than his love for you. He must prove worthy of your trust and be a loving and providing father for both of his children, all at the same time.
You would be wise to ask God to give you love for that baby girl. No child deserves to be condemned or unloved just because of the wrong decisions that his or her biological parents made. We know of mothers and stepmothers who have forgiven what happened in the past and have chosen to cooperate together to bring up a child, with love all around. That child could very well help to bring you the happiness that you long for.
We wish you the best,
1 <https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/ wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it> En línea 7 agosto 2020.
2 Mt 6:15