About eight months ago, my wife started treating me and our small daughter differently. Then, a month ago, someone sent me emails with indecent photos of my wife and a video in which she was unfaithful to me with several men who work with her.

I haven’t said anything until now because I am concerned about our daughter, but I can’t stand it anymore. Tell me what I should do. I don’t want to cause my daughter to suffer.

Dear Friend,

We congratulate you for considering your daughter’s welfare to be your highest priority! We know that you are hurting emotionally, but you have managed to remain calm because of your concern for your little girl.

We are so sorry for the situation that you find yourself in! We don’t have a way to know about the kind of marriage that you have had up until now, nor if there has been any unfaithfulness by either of you in the past. And we don’t know how you have treated your wife, nor if one of you has been abusive to the other. But we do know that infidelity is never, ever justified, no matter what else has happened or is happening.

Infidelity is somewhat like a bomb. It begins with a little of this and a little of that, but when it is all put together it causes mass destruction. In your case, you feel betrayed, you fear for your daughter’s well-being, and you can’t stand that your home is being destroyed.

We always hope that marriages can be saved because we believe that marriage between a man and a woman is God’s plan for the family and for rearing children. However, for a marriage to be saved, both spouses must be willing to work at it.

We don’t know if you are willing to stay with your wife in spite of what she has done, nor if she is willing to stay with you. But either way, we strongly suggest that you consult with an attorney before you speak to your wife. You need to know what your legal rights are as a father, and how you should proceed to make sure that you can get complete or shared custody of your daughter if your marriage does break up.

Jesus Christ taught His disciples that the non-disputable evidence of your wife’s infidelity gives you justifiable cause to separate from her.(1) However, even if you choose not to separate (in an effort to save your marriage), you must refrain from intimate relations with her until she can be tested for sexually-transmitted diseases.

We recommend that you ask God to show you what you should do. He is worthy of your complete trust, and is willing to walk with you every step of the way and give you the wisdom that you need for the future.

We wish you the best possible,

1 Mt 19:9