My wife has always been jealous and distrustful…. One day, tired and frustrated by her mistrust and constant jealousy, I gave in and got involved with a woman at work. I wasn’t unfaithful to my wife, but it all came to light because that woman was so wicked that she contacted my wife and accused me of having harassed her.

I love my wife and my family, but my wife can’t regain her trust in me. When it all started, I left my wife and children to live alone for a while, but after that, our family was reunited. I am at peace… but my wife just can’t get over it. I’m afraid that I’ll run out of patience one day and leave my family again.

Dear Friend,

We understand that it’s difficult to deal with a jealous spouse and that it’s very disheartening to not be trusted. When a person is innocent, that person has every right to feel offended and hurt, as you obviously do.

Your situation reminds me of how difficult it must have been for Jesus when he was mistrusted by the religious leaders and accused of rebellion against the Roman government. Jesus hadn’t done anything wrong, and yet He was eventually crucified for what he hadn’t done.

How did Jesus respond to his accusers? Several times He refused to respond and remained quiet, no matter what was said about Him.(1) Even when He did speak, He was never combative or argumentative. Because it takes at least two people to have an argument, Jesus never argued with them. He refused to participate.

When your wife questions you and makes untrue statements about you, how do you respond? Do her questions and statements lead to an argument? An argument consists of her accusing you, because she is jealous, even though you haven’t done anything, and you trying to convince her that her mistrust is not justified and her jealousy is unreasonable. As you know, these arguments just go around and around, and never really end.

There is nothing that your wife can do or say that would be powerful enough to tear you away from your family. Your wife’s jealousy and mistrust are not reasons for you to abandon your home. In fact, when you say that you are afraid that you will run out of patience and leave your family again, it sounds as if your annoyance is stronger than your love for your family. It almost sounds like you believe it would be justified for you to leave.

Are you in charge of your decisions, or are you a victim of the decisions of others? You say that one day you “gave in” because of your wife’s jealousy and mistrust, and that caused you to get involved with another woman. That gives the impression that your wife caused you to do what you did. When you imply that your wife is responsible for what you did, you are making yourself a victim, but you are not a victim! You are responsible for your own choices. And your choice in this case should be to do whatever it takes to save your family.

We wish you the best,

1 Mt 26:63; 27:12; Lk 23:9