I am the mother of two beautiful children and have been married for twelve years. But I have resentment in my heart against my husband.

We lived with my in-laws for ten years. They treated me very badly: my father-in-law as an alcoholic, and my mother-in-law as a gossip and troublemaker.

My husband never took up for me, and never did a thing to get us out of there…. Now we live on our own, but I am hurt with him because he never fulfilled his role as a husband. I need to have peace!

Dear Friend,

We are sorry to hear that you are lacking peace. We would have thought that moving away from your in-laws would bring the peace that you long for.

You say that your husband never did anything to get you out of the house of his parents, and yet you are now living on your own. How did that happen? Did you come up with the financial resources by yourself? Did you convince him to leave his parents against his will? Without knowing what happened, we can only guess.

However, no matter what happened to get you and your family out of your in-laws’ house, that part is over and finished. It is in the past now, and you have the opportunity to make the future that you’ve always dreamed of.

We understand that you feel like your husband chose his parents over you when he wouldn’t stand up for you and when he insisted on living with them. You feel that he betrayed you, and you believe that he hasn’t had to face any consequences for letting you down. You feel that he is weak and that you can’t respect him anymore.

Unfortunately, your feelings are leading you astray. As we have said many times, you cannot trust your feelings. Feelings come from thoughts, and thoughts are often one-sided or even misinformed.

In your case, you had ten long years to build up a case against your husband in your thoughts, and those thoughts are still stacked up in your mind, even though you are now living on your own. You have been examining your “evidence” in your thoughts every day, going over and over each offense that you think your husband is guilty of. This examination is taking up a lot of your thought space, and you don’t have time to remember all the good things about your husband nor to count your blessings and be grateful for all that you do have.

Peace is a choice. You can choose to reject it by constantly remembering your husband’s faults, or you can choose to forgive and accept him as he is, focusing on his good qualities and remembering why you chose to marry him.

The Apostle Paul wrote a prescription to cure your lack of peace when he taught that we should fill our minds with good thoughts, admirable thoughts and praiseworthy thoughts.1 If you really want peace, we recommend that you follow his prescription.

We wish you well,

Linda
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1Php 4:8