After ten years of marriage, my wife wants to end it even though we have two children…. She says that she doesn’t love me anymore, and she has done some bad things and has hidden them from me. I don’t want our marriage to break up because… I fear losing my salvation by looking for a new wife, and I don’t want my children to grow up without a stable home life.

I don’t know what to do…. I am very troubled. I would like to know what it is that God does or does not allow in my case so that I won’t lose my salvation.

Dear Friend,

We are sorry to hear about your marriage problems. We know that it is not only difficult for you, but also for your children. It is very good that you are concerned about their welfare.

For many people, the concern you express about losing your salvation is not something they can readily understand. They may think that you are concerned about losing membership in a church or that you are a religious fanatic who belongs to some cult.

The word “salvation” that you use brings to mind a man who has gone overboard from a ship. The man is thrashing in the water and is in grave danger of being lost beneath the rolling waves. But those on board the ship grab a flotation device called a “lifesaver,” throw it to him, and he latches onto it. The man was was almost lost, but now has been saved.

We believe that all of us were in danger of being eternally lost because of our own sins. Sin separates us from our Holy God. But God provided a way that we could be reconciled to Him by sending us a Lifesaver to save us from being eternally lost. That Lifesaver was Jesus Christ, His Son. Not having committed any sin of His own, Jesus took the punishment for all our sins when He died on a cross. Consequently, we can be saved if we believe in Him and accept what He did for us.

You have already experienced salvation because of accepting Christ, and now you are afraid that something will happen to you that will take that salvation away from you. But Jesus said that no one can take it from you. (1)

God expects you to do everything in your power to restore your marriage. He expects you to carry out the vows that you made to each other. Show your wife the love of God by accepting her as she is, in spite of everything that she has done. Make it clear that you will not give up on the marriage. And seek out marriage counseling for the two of you.

If your wife wants a divorce, then, depending on the laws of your country, you may not be able to stop her. However, you don’t have to agree to the divorce, nor do you have to leave your home. Instead, spend a lot of time with your children, letting them feel the security of knowing that you won’t leave them unless a judge requires it. Invest all of your time and efforts in the family that you have, and do not even contemplate a life without them. Let God guide you day by day and show you how to spread His love to all those around you.

We wish you well,

1 Jn 10:28