I have dreamed of having a family. I never had parents. That has caused an emptiness in my heart. And that’s why, for me, marriage is very significant and lasts a lifetime.

I have a boyfriend, but I don’t see that he is interested in getting married. Besides, he has a bad attitude. He doesn’t call me, he doesn’t write to me, and he blocks me on his social media.

I feel like I’m wasting my time in this relationship. We’ve been together for four years without even a marriage proposal from him…. I want to leave him because I think that I can never be happy with him. Will I be able to forget him as time passes?

Dear Friend,

We believe that you should never forget this guy! You should keep the memories of him as an example of everything that you do not want in a relationship!

It is difficult to imagine why you have stayed with such a person for four long years. You recognize his bad attitude and how disrespectfully he treats you, and yet you keep on making excuses for him. There is a guideline that is always true, but you must not have heard yet. It is, “A guy who has treated you badly before marriage will always treat you much worse after marriage.”

Many women have romantic fantasies that their guy will change after marriage. They excuse his bad behavior and overlook hints of how the behavior could deteriorate. They let themselves be undervalued and mistreated. And they even try to make their boyfriend look better to others.

While you deserve the loving family that you have dreamed of, you may need to examine your priorities. What is more important: to be with a man even though he makes you miserable, or to make a happy life for yourself even if there is no man? If you focus on getting the man, you will tend to settle for whomever is available, whereas if you focus on making a happy life for yourself, you will only accept a good man who cherishes you and treats you as a treasure.

There are many children who have no parents, just as you didn’t. They are wishing and hoping for a loving family. You could volunteer with an organization that helps those children. You could consider taking children who need temporary homes, or even adopting a child or two. Don’t waste any more years waiting for a man. Give your love to those who desperately need it.

James the Apostle taught, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” (1) This teaching lets us know that you will please God Himself if you focus on the children who need you, rather than on finding a man who will marry you. If God knows that it is best for you to marry, He can send the right man your way when you aren’t even searching.

We wish you well,

1 Jas 1:27