In a video conference call that my sister, who is forty-nine years old, made to my brother and me and our parents, she blamed and called out our father for abusing her sexually, and our mother for being complicit from the time that she had told her about it when she was thirty.
I’m asking God to resolve this situation fairly because I love all my family, and I’d like divine intervention for God to heal the wounds and the shame that this causes me…. Truthfully, I am a witness that my father, whom I love dearly, had problems with fetishes and infidelity.
We are so very sorry to hear about the pain that you and your brother are going through! We understand that you feel ashamed, even though none of this is your fault.
We also are sorry for your mother. All that she has gone through has caused her to be afraid to reveal the truth, so she has continued to cover it up for almost two decades. She has chosen to protect her lying, cheating, abusive husband instead of aligning herself with her only daughter.
Most of all, we feel sorry for your sister to have her innocence stolen from her by someone who was supposed to love her most in the world. And to make it even worse, not even her own mother chose to support her once the truth was finally revealed.
Normally, we recommend that the victims of abuse report the abuse to the authorities, even when the perpetrator of the abuse is a relative. Reporting and bringing the dirty little secret out in the open is the only way to protect other children or women who might potentially be abused. However, because so much time has passed, the laws in your country might not acknowledge something that happened so long ago.
Certainly, no child should be left alone with your father. If you have children or nephews, nieces or cousins, all efforts must be made to protect them from your father. You must reveal this truth to the relatives so that they can keep their children safe. Don’t make the same mistake that your mother did by trying to protect your father. Remember that your shame is nothing compared to what your sister has gone through.
You say that you want God to resolve the situation. Do you doubt that your father abused your sister, even though you admit the kind of man he is? Do you want your sister to act like nothing has happened and cover it all back up?
God’s Son, Jesus Christ, when walking on this earth said that “there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be made known and brought to light.”1 Your father thought that he could abuse your sister and that no one would ever know. He thought he had fooled everyone. But God was not fooled.2 It was only a matter of time until everything was brought into the light.
We wish you well,
1 Lk 8:17
2 Gal 6:7