My husband cheated on me with a number of women, so I left him. After twelve years of being divorced, I met a man that is several years older than I am…. He is a good man with a big heart and many great qualities, but he is extremely jealous. He imagines things and accuses me as if I had done those things.
I have explained to him that I detest infidelity… because I have personally suffered from the pain that it brings, but there seems to be no way that he will trust me…. I am very sad because I don’t want to end the relationship, but I’m afraid that I will quickly tire of his jealousy. What can I do so that he won’t be so jealous?
Another woman in your situation might follow her heart instead of paying attention to the warnings that threaten her dreams of happiness. She might explain her choice by referring to the popular belief that true love always overcomes the obstacles in its path.
However, the belief that romantic love conquers all is, in fact, a dangerous myth. Movies and songs perpetuate the myth. And everyone wants to believe that you can live happily ever after if your love is strong enough.
Unfortunately, romantic love is not strong enough to compensate for alcoholism, physical abuse, infidelity, emotional manipulation, neglect, jealousy, or a myriad of other evils. Of course, it is possible to continue loving the alcoholic or the abuser or the one who is jealous, but that love doesn’t turn out to be very romantic when it brings suffering and pain.
In Case 468, the woman who told us her story was married to an irrationally jealous man, and her love for him did not prevent the problems that his lack of trust caused in their home. We made some suggestions to her that you can read, but your situation is different. Unlike that woman, you can get out now and spare yourself years of pain.
You ask what you can do so that your boyfriend won’t be so jealous, but we advise you to break up with him instead. Don’t stay another day in a relationship with a man who constantly mistrusts you. If he believes his made-up stories more than he believes you, then he doesn’t really know you at all.
You may think that your boyfriend is your last chance at happiness, and that may be what has caused you to tolerate his jealousy and mistrust. But don’t let your fear lead you into settling for a future of disillusionment and regret.
It won’t be easy to walk away, but there is Someone who wants to walk with you. God loves you and is willing to lead you down the right path. But He won’t force Himself into your life. He is, instead, waiting for you to invite Him. You don’t need a ritual or a formula, but just a prayer in your own words.
We wish you well,