I am twenty-four and my relationship with my girlfriend ended recently. She was always complaining because I lost my job and didn’t have money to take her out. I tried asking her to do inexpensive things together, but she said no. She made me feel like a loser because I couldn’t find a job, and it felt even worse when we broke up.

I feel like I am not able to have a relationship with any girl and that no one will be happy with me. I think that no one else is going to love me and that I am not good enough for anybody. I feel sad and very anxious because those thoughts won’t get out of my head.

Dear Friend,

We are sorry to hear about what you are going through. For most men, being without a job is enough to make them feel like losers. But you have had a relationship that ended and made your feelings even more painful than they would have been.

You obviously have low self-esteem and are depressed. You are obsessively thinking about your situation and are feeling sorry for yourself. Do you have family members or friends who are giving you advice? If three or more are saying the same thing to help you, it could be that they are able to see things more clearly than you do right now and that you should consider their opinions. If not, then we encourage you to find mental health services in your community.

However, you will never be able to see yourself realistically until you see yourself as God sees you. You may think that God has nothing to do with your situation, or you may be angry with Him because you think He doesn’t care. But we can tell you from experience that God knows you, loves you, and cares very much.

You probably haven’t thought about it before, but we are all losers. We have all made bad decisions and we have all sinned. In fact, if you look back to the first man and woman, Adam and Eve, they were the first sinners and the first losers. Because they chose to rebel against God and do things their own way, they lost the perfect life that they could have had.

Therefore, from Adam and Eve we have all inherited a nature that causes us to rebel. Just like our two-year-old granddaughter says “no” to her daddy, we all have said “no” to our Heavenly Father. No one had to teach her to rebel and to refuse the loving instruction of her parents; she was born with the nature to rebel. And we were all born with that sin nature just like she was.

However, God wasn’t willing to leave us alone in our rebelliousness and sin. He gave His Only Son, Jesus Christ, to pay the penalty for us. If we approach God in prayer, using the name of Jesus Christ as the One who paid our way, God will accept us and completely forgive and forget our sin and our rebelliousness.

As a result, God can see us as completely removed from our sin, cleaned up, and not ashamed any longer. We can see ourselves that way, too.

We recommend that you do not seek a romantic relationship until after you have begun to see yourself as God sees you. We also recommend that you take any job that is available even if you know it is not what you want forever, and even if it pays less than you need.

We wish you well,