I have two sons, one seventeen and the other two years old. The father of my first son died, and that son has grown up without a father. The father of my second son doesn’t want anything to do with his child…. When he found out that I was pregnant, he decided to go back and live with the family he had to begin with….
My baby got sick, so I had to call his father again, and since then, he has given me money for milk and diapers; but he shows no interest in the child…. It hurts me to know that, as time passes, my son will ask about his father and I will feel guilty for giving him a bad one…. I believe that I need God to give me wisdom to bring up my little one.
We, too, are sorry that your younger son, the same as your older son, is going to have to grow up without a father. We strongly recommend that you find a male mentor for him. Normally it can be a grandfather or an uncle, but in your case we also hope that it can be your older son.
It is likely, because it is normal, that at the age of seventeen your older son is most interested in his friends and his independence from you. It would also be normal if your older son sees your younger son as a nuisance right now. So don’t try to push your older son to do what he doesn’t want to do at this time. The important thing is that he will continue to mature and, within a few years, he may want to be a role model for your younger son.
Studies have consistently shown that boys who have caring father figures in their lives do better in school and in life. As your little son grows up, we encourage you to involve him in activities where there are adult males who are coaches or teachers. It is also important to make sure that your son gets plenty of chances to play with other boys.
You say that you will feel guilty about giving your son a bad father. Guilt is not always a bad thing, especially when it motivates us to do things differently. Hopefully you will never again have physical intimacy with a man who is not your husband. Every time a woman overlooks God’s perfect plan that sex is to be practiced exclusively within marriage, she runs the risk of bringing into the world another child with an absentee father.
We agree that you need God’s wisdom and help to raise your son. But God is not like Santa Claus, who just gives gifts to people he doesn’t really know. Instead, God gives gifts to those who have chosen to be in His family. And to be in God’s family, we must approach Him in prayer, ask forgiveness for our sins, and let Him know that we want to do things His way in the future. God will then accept us into His family because His Son Jesus Christ paid the penalty for our sins when He died in our place.
We wish you well,