Sometimes I feel that I should terminate my life. When I was a child, my father always told me that I was good for nothing…. Each time that I tried to get close to him, I ended up going off to cry because he got so angry with me. I felt like he hated me.
I’m twenty-five now, and he did change… but I can’t erase his angry look from my mind.
I studied and graduated, but even so I feel worthless…. I know that I’m an adult now, but sometimes I’d like some consolation, or for someone to tell me that I’m good for something and that I definitely know how to do things that are important.
Lies! Lies! You have heard the lies so many times that you have come to believe them! And they have taken over your thoughts and damaged your emotions. You are caught in a prison of lies, and you haven’t been able to get yourself out.
This is not your fault. You didn’t do anything to deserve it. We can’t tell you why your father did this to you, but we can tell you that it didn’t have anything to do with who you are. It had to do with who he was. The words and angry looks that he had for you were evidence of what was wrong with him, not anything that was wrong with you.
It would be wonderful if we could just hand you the key to the prison that you are in and tell you to unlock the door and let yourself out. However, your father damaged your fundamental sense of who you are, and no one key can unlock that. You need a professional therapist to help you dig into all the lies and examine them one by one.
In the meantime, we do have good news to get you started. The Apostle Paul taught that “we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (1) Do you get that? You are not like some mass-produced worthless collection of bones and skin. Rather, you are like a hand-made valuable treasure that God created with the purpose of doing good things as His representative on earth.
Your father was the exact opposite of our Heavenly Father. “I know the plans I have for you,” our Heavenly Father says, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” And then our Heavenly Father tells us how to have that hope and future. “You will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you,” He says. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (2)
God loves you! You are a treasure to Him. Pray and ask Him to show you how to identify all the lies that you have believed and to teach you the truth.
We wish you well,
1 Eph 2:10 (NIV)
2 Jer 29:11-13 (NIV)