My father married a young woman who is thirty-eight years younger than he. She doesn’t allow him to have any relationship with his children from his deceased first wife, that is, my mother….
Recently my youngest brother had emergency surgery…. He was in critical condition… but my father doesn’t want to go visit him…. When I learned about this, I was so distraught that my blood pressure went up and I had to get medical attention.
I don’t know what to say to my father…. Because it is affecting my health, I have stopped talking to him; but I don’t know what to do from now on.
We wish that this situation were uncommon, but it is not. Some men are so lonely and afraid to live and die by themselves that they are willing to give up everything else in their lives to avoid being alone. It sounds like your father is one of those men.
We are sorry to tell you that there is absolutely nothing that you can say to your father that will make any difference. He has made his choice, and neither your words nor the state of your health will change that.
We are very sad for you and your brothers that your father has removed himself from your lives. First you lost your mother, and now you have lost your father. That is very difficult to accept.
However, there is no Biblical or legal standard that obligates your father to continue to nurture you now that you are well into your adult years. In fact, in centuries past it was common for daughters (especially) to get married, move far away, and never see or talk to their parents again. Modern transportation and communication make this seem absurd today, but people accepted it as a way of life back then.
As difficult as it seems to believe, your father is not the cause of your high blood pressure and other health issues. The cause is actually your anger and indignation. We understand why you are angry, and you are probably justified in feeling that way. However, when you choose to hold on to anger, you are choosing to damage your own health.
We don’t expect that you will ever understand or approve of what your father has done. However, you can choose to forgive him and let him go. Forgiveness can be very difficult when you are wounded so badly, but God can give you supernatural strength to forgive.
Jesus Christ, while hanging on a cross, chose to forgive those who were killing Him. He also asked God, His Father, to do the same, saying, “Father, forgive them.”(1) Of everyone who has ever walked on this earth, Jesus was the only one who never sinned, and yet he was tortured and killed. He had every right to be angry and to even take revenge, but He gave up that right and chose to forgive.
You can make the same choice that Christ did.
We wish you well,
1 Lk 23:34