For a year I gave my love to a man. There is a ten-year difference in our ages. I took him to my house, and everyone knew that I was in love with him, but he never asked me to be his girlfriend. That made me break up with him, and now I feel guilty because I think that he did love me…. Do you think that I made the right decision?
Dear Friend,
When we are followers of Christ, He speaks to us through our consciences to let us know if something is not right. You don’t say whether or not you are a follower of Christ, but it could be that your conscience told you that there was something wrong in the relationship, and that is why you broke up with the guy.
You also don’t say if your relationship with the man was an intimate one, unless that is what you mean by “I gave my love” to him. Were you having sexual relations with him? If that is the case, then the Bible is clear about the fact that sexual relationships are reserved to be enjoyed within the marriage of a man and woman. Since you are not married, your conscience may have bothered you because of that.
The most prevalent reason that people have romantic relationships without any commitment is that they want to have the sexual relationship without having to deal with the responsibilities that romantic love implies. But there are many other reasons as well. They may already be married, or may have a variety of other sexual partners. They may have secrets, or may be hiding a past life that they don’t want anyone else to know about. They may be narcissistic, obsessed with themselves so much that they can’t commit to anyone else. Or they may be hedonistic, concentrating all their efforts on personal pleasure while taking no responsibility for the needs of anyone else.
Whatever the reason that this man wouldn’t make any commitment to you, we believe that a year is long enough to give any adult the time and space to make up his or her mind. After dating that long, a relationship that hasn’t progressed to being “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” is a relationship that will probably never progress.
You obviously want more. You want a boyfriend who will eventually become your fiancé who will eventually become your husband. That is what many women want. But it requires a man who wants the same thing.
Choosing to stay in a relationship with a man who obviously does not see a shared future with you is extremely foolish. Such a decision would be waste of time that could be used to find another man who shares your dreams. So, yes, we believe that you made the right decision.
We wish you well,
Linda