After eight years in a relationship with my boyfriend… we separated for a period of time in which he was with other women…. We then decided that we would try again, and we even talked about getting married. But when I found out about the other women, I confronted him. He denies everything, even though I have proof, and he constantly lies to me….
I am very fearful of uniting my life to someone who lives in a world full of lies. Ever since I found out about the other women, I don’t have peace, and I am overcome with negative thoughts and cry about all that’s happened.
We are very sorry to hear about your situation and the emotional pain that you are suffering, but we believe that you did the right thing by telling us your story. We hope that our counsel will be a help to you.
You say that your boyfriend lives in a world full of lies, for he he lies to you constantly and won’t admit what you know to be true.
How blessed you are that you are able to recognize your boyfriend’s tendency to lie! You have already spent eight years with him, so you are fortunate to have discovered the truth about him before any more time has passed. Naturally, you feel extremely sad and are crying from grief because you can’t ignore what has happened. Your negative thoughts are warning you repeatedly that it would be very dangerous to overlook the lying.
Lies are like an acid that eats away a relationship. What the acid destroys is gone forever. Couples may love each other very much, but the acid of their lies is stronger than their love. The lies they tell each other will ultimately destroy the health and beauty of their relationship, even if they choose to remain together. That is why one of wise Solomon’s proverbs says unequivocally that God “detests lying lips, but He delights in people who are trustworthy.”(1) The truth is that those who lie cannot be trusted.
Someone might say that people can change and that your boyfriend deserves another chance. Though it is true that people can change, this guy has shown you repeatedly that he has not changed. He will not admit the truth, even when confronted with proof. He continues to lie to you and deceive you, proving that he is not worthy of your trust.
How can you best move forward and leave this guy in your past? We suggest that you begin a personal relationship with God, the One who can always be trusted. He will give you wisdom and strength. He will stay right with you if you ask Him to, and never leave you alone. He’s only a prayer away.
We wish you well,
1 Pr 12:22 (NIV)