My husband moved out because one night I didn’t make it home from work, having been stuck there with no one to give me a ride to our house. He says that’s a lie, that I should have found a way to get home, and that my attitude was not right.
This month we celebrate our twelfth anniversary. I think he made a bad decision. I had never given him any reason to doubt or mistrust me…. He, on the other hand, has been unfaithful many times and I have forgiven him everything. I asked him not to leave, but he did it anyway. What do I have to do?
We are very sorry for the situation in which you find yourself. Since you have given us no reason to mistrust you, we are going to assume that you are telling the truth about what happened to you when you couldn’t get home from work.
However, if it is true that your husband has never had reason to mistrust you, then his reaction does seem extreme. In fact, it even sounds like he is using this as an excuse to walk out on you. Since he has been unfaithful many times before, he may be using this opportunity as an excuse to be unfaithful again. And since we have no way of knowing his actual motivation for leaving, we are forced to guess based on what you tell us.
We respect you for having forgiven your husband multiple times and for having tried to keep your marriage together. However, the fact that he has been unfaithful repeatedly makes it doubtful that you should continue to give him more chances, especially if it turns out that he has left your home this time in order to be with another woman.
Your question to us is, “What do I have to do?” The answer to your question is, “Nothing. You don’t have to do anything.” If your question is meant to ask what to do to get your husband to come home, our answer is the same: nothing. We do not believe that you should beg or plead or make promises to your husband. He has chosen to leave you instead of believing in you.
In a marital relationship, trust is of the utmost importance. By his infidelity, your husband has broken trust repeatedly. And now he has chosen to believe that you are deceiving him, instead of trusting what you have told him. As a result, you can’t trust him and he doesn’t trust you. Unless you are both willing to enter long-term professional counseling, we don’t see a way for your marriage to be saved.
The fact that your husband can’t be trusted may cause you to think that you have no one in whom you can trust, but that is not true. Your heavenly Father always keeps His word. Once you have invited Him into your life, He will never leave you. We recommend that you talk to Him today in prayer and ask Him to give you strength and wisdom.
We wish you well,