I have had a girlfriend for the past seventeen months. Five months ago I asked her to marry me, and she said yes. We are planning to be married in December of this year.
However, there is something that I keep worrying about, and that is that I lied to her when we were first getting to know each other. I told her that I had never had sexual relations with any woman, and now every time she asks me I keep lying to her….
Sometimes I feel like confessing to her that I lied, but I sense that she will end our relationship if I do…. I don’t dare tell the truth because I’m afraid that I’ll lose her. She hates lies.
Dear Friend,
It is very possible that your girlfriend already knows the truth. Otherwise, why would she continue to ask you the same question? She clearly has doubts about your answer.
That may be one reason that you continue to worry about your lies. Her questions remind your conscience of what you have done wrong.
God gave each of us a conscience to warn us of the consequences of our sins and to keep prompting us to stop doing what we have been doing. Your conscience is trying to warn you that your lies have consequences and that you will not be able to escape them, no matter how much you regret telling them.
Obviously, lying is a sin against God, but He already knows about your lies, as you can’t keep secrets from Him. Fortunately, God is willing to forgive us of our sins when we ask in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, as long as we determine to do things His way in the future. However, even though God forgives us, He doesn’t take away the natural consequences of what we have done.
You say that your girlfriend hates lies and that you are afraid she will break up with you when she finds out the truth. Those are the natural consequences that God doesn’t take away.
We don’t recommend that you go ahead with the wedding unless you tell your girlfriend the truth. She is likely to find it out eventually, and it would be immeasurably worse for her to leave you after you were already married. In the meantime, your guilt would make you miserable and would be a barrier between the two of you.
Stop putting off the inevitable. Tell her the truth in a public place, such as a restaurant (but after you have already eaten). Expect that she will be very hurt and will almost certainly lash out in anger. However, determine that you will not argue with her, no matter what she says. Just listen and reassure her that you understand that you deserve whatever she says. Do not try to reason with her. She will need time to process the feelings of betrayal.
We wish you well,
Linda