I asked my girlfriend to marry me, and she said yes…. We have had a wonderful relationship and we love each other. However, one time she did something that I don’t think is normal. I noticed that she kept looking at another guy. We’ve talked about it and I’ve told her that if she’s attracted to him, I can go away, but she says I’m the only one that she loves and she doesn’t want anyone else. Nevertheless, I feel very badly in my heart and have my doubts, even though she reassures me over and over. I’ve made her feel badly many times, and that hurts me because I really love her.
Dear Friend,
You believe that your girlfriend did something abnormal when she kept looking at another guy. However, there are many reasons she might have looked at him, and we believe that almost every one of them would be normal. It could be that he looked like someone she knows, or that she was intrigued by the way he moved his hands. Even if you are right that she looked because she thought he was good-looking, that would still be totally normal. Loving someone does not mean that you become blind.
What seems abnormal is not your girlfriend’s action, but your reaction. You say that when you talked with her about it, you offered to let her go and be with the other guy. That response is a total overreaction, and it makes us wonder if you overreact to many other things. She did absolutely nothing that should have made you doubt her love for you, yet you immediately imagined the worst possible scenario and basically accused her of wrongdoing.
You are obviously extremely insecure, and it has led you to be unreasonable in your expectations. Yes, you have hurt your girlfriend several times by your overreactions, and we have every reason to believe that these kinds of situations will happen more often after you are married. Eventually, your girlfriend will realize that she can never meet your expectations, and she will quit trying. You will have driven her away.
Fortunately, there is still time to prevent a ruined marriage. We recommend a professional therapist who can help you understand your insecurity and the way that it could ruin your relationship. If a therapist or therapy group is not possible, then we recommend that you study the subjects of insecurity and jealousy and discuss them with a friend or family member whom you can trust. Ask God to help you recognize the errors in your thinking.
In the meantime, if you really love your girlfriend as you say you do, we believe that you need to postpone the wedding. Let your girlfriend read this counsel to understand why.
We wish you well,
Linda