I have not been able to get pregnant, even though that is my deepest longing. Sometimes I cry [in frustration], and other times I believe that God can [give me a child]…. I’ve often wanted to tell my husband to leave me and find another woman who can give him a child[, as did Sarah, the wife of Abraham, who was the father of all Jews, Muslims, and Christians. Sarah gave Abraham a son, Ishmael, through her servant, Hagar].

Dear Friend,

Unfortunately, your desperation is causing you to be very confused. Let us remind you of some facts that you probably already know, but that you are overlooking.

First, you don’t mention any medical tests that have identified which one of the two of you is possibly infertile. Without conclusive medical testing, you must not assume that it is you.

Second, giving birth to a child is only one way among several ways to have a family. We added to our family by first adopting an infant and later adopting siblings who were pre-adolescents that had been living in foster care. Both of these kinds of adoptions are more complicated than having a biological child, but doing the research and paperwork can take your mind off of your desperation and give you hope.

Third, we strongly disagree with your thoughts about Sarah, the wife of Abraham. Yes, she desperately wanted to become a mother. Yes, she asked Abraham to sleep with their servant to procreate a child. And yes, Ishmael was born as the son of Abraham and Hagar.

However, what you fail to mention is that Sarah ended up hating Ishmael and his mother and sending them away. Ishmael and his descendants became the enemies of Sarah’s legitimate son, Isaac (born twelve years later), and his descendants. Even today, thousands of years later, the descendants of Ishmael and Isaac are mortal enemies and are the root cause of many of the wars that are being waged in parts of the world.

Lastly, it appears that you have faith in God, but that your faith consists of believing that God should do things your way, give you what you want, and do it on your time schedule. The problem is that faith is very different than that. True faith in God consists of trusting that God will do things His way in His own time schedule, and that His plan will work out the best for your life. (1)

Many people would decide to follow Christ if He would just do things their way. They want to be in charge, make their own plans, and have everything that they think they deserve. So when God doesn’t give in to their demands, they assume that He doesn’t really love them, or that He is punishing them for the sins that they have committed.

We urge you to trust in God’s plan. This could be His way of bringing a loving adopted child into your family.

We wish you well,

1 Ro 8:28