When I was twenty-seven years old, I met the girl who is now my girlfriend and my future wife. But there’s something about me that she doesn’t know.

At work I met a girl, and we ended up going too far sexually several times, until I realized that what we were doing was wrong….

I have shown a lot of respect for my girlfriend by not engaging in a physical relationship, but I was sinning against God and against her. A few months ago I decided to leave all that behind…. However, at times the memories of what I did torment me. I have asked God to forgive me, but I don’t know if He has.

Dear Friend,

Unfortunately, your story does not make it clear whether or not you were with the girl from work during the same time that you have been seeing your girlfriend. However, you say that it was only a few months ago that you decided to stop seeing the girl from work, so we can only assume that you were seeing both girls at the same time.

You say that you “realized” that what you were doing with the girl from work was wrong. To realize something means that you are learning it for the first time, and that you didn’t know it before. That implies that you were seeing both girls at the same time and having a physical relationship with one of them, but you hadn’t even thought that it was wrong until the day that you supposedly “realized” that it was.

Is it possible that you realized it was wrong at the same time you decided to ask your girlfriend to marry you? And is it possible that you might not have thought about the consequences of playing around with the girl from work until you started worrying that your girlfriend might find out and that your relationship with her might be damaged?

All of your story adds up to the very real probability that you were deceiving each girl in one way or another. You probably lied to both of them in order to keep your secret. And now you apparently want to know if God will forgive you even if you do not tell your girlfriend the truth about the other girl.

The Apostle John taught that if we confess our sins, then God, who is faithful and just, will forgive them and cleanse us from all wrongdoing.(1) So the question is not whether God will forgive, but rather whether you have really confessed. In order to confess, it is necessary to not only acknowledge what you have done, but to feel real sorrow; not sorrow for the consequences, but sorrow for breaking God’s law regarding telling lies and His law regarding sexual purity until marriage.

We do not believe that you are ready to consider marrying any girl. The manner in which you tell your story betrays your inability to be honest with your girlfriend, with God, or even with yourself.

We wish you well,

1 1Jn 1:9