I find myself at a crossroads, unable to make the decision of who will be my wife.

Right now there are two girls in my life, one an ex-girlfriend, and the other one a young woman that I met recently. There are two things about my ex that I don’t like: first, I don’t think that we are compatible emotionally and intellectually; and second, I feel like I could marry her, but not her family, as I don’t like them at all. However, my conscience is bothering me about not being able to pick her in spite of the excellent person that she is.

I’m not very attracted physically to the other girl that I met recently, but she comes from a good family. Sometimes I think that I should win her over, but I’m not sure because I don’t know what her spiritual development will be like. What I like the most about her is her noble character.

Dear Friend,

You make some very good observations about your ex-girlfriend. You are right to be concerned about emotional and intellectual compatibility. And you are wise to understand that you can’t marry a girl without marrying her family also.

However, we don’t understand why you say that your conscience is bothering you about not being willing to choose your ex-girlfriend. Did you make promises to her about the future? Did you have a physically intimate relationship with her, causing her to think that you loved her? What have you done that would cause your conscience to bother you?

Since we don’t know what really happened with your ex, we can’t confirm or deny that you have anything to feel guilty about. If you did something dishonorable, then the remedy would be to apologize and beg her forgiveness. But that doesn’t mean you should marry her, since you have already determined that the two of you are not compatible.

So should you marry the second girl that you barely know? Why would you think that? Why should you even worry about getting married right now? In the movies, guys sometimes think that they should get married for financial reasons, but you don’t mention anything about that.

It seems that you are confused. It doesn’t make sense to decide to get married and then have to choose from the available candidates. Instead, meeting and getting to know other girls will help you finally find the one that you feel you cannot live without. That is when you make the decision to get married.

God has a plan for your future.1 We suggest that you talk to Him in prayer and ask that He guide you in meeting girls who are not only compatible emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually, but who also have the same priorities and values that you do. Ask Him to give you the wisdom that you need to pass up all the wrong roads as you search for the right one.

We wish you well,

1 Ps 139:16