My husband’s nephew is twenty-two years old. He lives in another country and has asked my husband if he could come and stay with us while he looks for a job to support himself. He is a hardworking and studious young man. He already has a degree, but he comes from a low-income background and wants to improve his situation….

I want to help him, but I have a daughter and a son under the age of eight, and I am afraid of bringing a stranger into our home. This has created a family conflict. I am torn, and don’t have much time left before having to make a decision. Despite my prayers, I can’t find an answer. Please counsel me!

Dear Friend,

There may be people who don’t understand your issue because they take it for granted that a relative will always help another relative. They also might not understand why you would refer to your husband’s nephew as a stranger.

We, on the other hand, understand why you are concerned. Every child is a treasure that must be protected, and every parent’s primary concern should be the health and safety of their children. And yet almost every day there are new reports about children being sexually abused at their schools, at their friends’ houses, and even in their own homes. Child predators are usually hidden in plain sight, with those who know them never suspecting what their true motives are. They can be a child’s uncle, grandparent, neighbor, teacher, or soccer coach.

Consequently, it would be unwise to give unsupervised access of your little ones to anyone that you do not know well. In fact, sometimes even those whom you do know well can’t be trusted. Parents must always be vigilant and observant, taking every precaution to prevent any abuse that their children could suffer.

However, how does this affect your decision? You seem to indicate that you only have two options: your way or your husband’s way. But we don’t believe this is true. Families all over the world have relatives living with them, and they have to protect their children at the same time. You could do that likewise.

As you probably know, all our counsel is based on the principles found in the Bible. In your case, however, although there are many Scriptures that encourage us to care for others, especially those in our own families, there are none that specifically apply to where a relative should live.

You say that the nephew has shown himself to be hardworking and studious. Those are good qualities for your children to observe firsthand. It is also good for your husband to maintain a positive relationship with his extended family, which would be jeopardized if you refused to let the nephew stay with you. Finally, the golden rule given to us by Jesus Christ, God’s Son, instructs us to do for others what we would want them to do for us.(1)

We wish you well,

Linda
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1 Mt 7:12