My friend’s husband asked my husband to borrow some money, assuring him that he would pay it back as soon as possible. Months have passed and, in the meetings that we have all attended, my friend’s husband has never said anything to him about the loan. One day my husband sent him a message asking him about it, to which he responded that he was very sorry but it was not yet possible for him to repay the loan because of other expenses.

The months keep passing, and my friend’s husband has not even bothered to give my husband an explanation. I think that my friend doesn’t know about the loan, but I have noticed that they always participate in social activities that have a cost attached to them, which makes me think that they do have the ability to pay. I would like your advice as to whether it would be good for me to ask my friend directly so that I can know if they intend to pay it back, or if we might as well say goodbye to the money.

Dear Friend,

We commend you for not having said anything to your friend about the loan. Many women would have already taken matters into their own hands and revealed the secret. But you showed wisdom and restraint.

Women have the tendency and the reputation of interfering in the conflicts of their husbands and their children. This can cause many situations to get worse instead of better. The loan was between your husband and your friend’s husband. Do not interfere! Please do not tell your friend about the debt. If your husband decides that she needs to know, then he can tell her in your presence.

Lending money to someone is very risky business. We recommend that you never make a loan of any amount of money unless you are secretly willing to give the money as a gift. If you can’t afford to live without the money, then never lend it.

Your husband was attempting to be kind to your friend’s husband, and kindness is always good. However, it is not necessarily kind to lend money. Wise Solomon said, “The borrower is slave to the lender.”(1) Giving a loan puts the borrower in the position of a slave because he has to then work to pay off the debt. If he can’t pay for whatever reason, he will avoid the lender. Then, if he feels hopeless about his ability to pay the money back, he will cut off the relationship completely. Many friendships have ended as a result of unpaid debts.

Lending money to a relative or a friend can bring much conflict into the relationship. When the money is not promptly repaid, the lender often begins to judge all the expenses that the borrower has. Since no two families will ever have exactly the same priorities, there is almost always occasion to judge the other person’s spending habits. Then even the smallest expenditures can become an issue to be analyzed and discussed within the lending family, and sometimes even friends and relatives get pulled into the conflict.

So yes. Say goodbye to the money your husband loaned. But consider it the cost of having learned a good lesson for the future.

We wish you the best,

1 Pr 22:7