I am thirty-eight years old and I just ended a romantic relationship that lasted almost a year without having a child. I wanted to have at least one child who would bring me happiness, and to do everything in my power to give that child everything that a child needs….
Thankfully I have a job that makes it possible for me to live comfortably. But I haven’t lost hope of finding a woman who would receive all my love and affection, and who would love me back. I need some advice because I feel very lonely.
Dear Friend,
You don’t say why your relationship ended. Hopefully you learned something that will help improve future romantic relationships.
How was the communication between you and your former girlfriend? Were you able to express your feelings to her? Did you provide an understanding environment in which she could share her feelings with you? When you had disagreements, did you resolve them without saying unkind things to one another? Did you trust each other, or was one or both of you jealous?
You may be a person of character and integrity, and your former girlfriend may have been just the kind of woman that you are looking for. But if you couldn’t resolve disagreements without resorting to name calling and hurtful comments, then you may be on the path to repeat that pattern in a future relationship. We recommend that you consult with a professional counselor to explore ways to improve your communication skills. That will help prepare you for another relationship.
As for having a child, we strongly recommend that you consider becoming an adoptive parent. You may be just the father that some child or sibling group is waiting for. We adopted a sister and brother when they were eleven and twelve years old respectively. It wasn’t easy for us or for them, but they certainly have brought our family the kind of joy that you are looking for.
If you don’t feel ready to consider adoption, there are a multitude of ways that you can pour your love into children who desperately need it. Even though they would not be your biological children, they could still bring you a great deal of joy and you wouldn’t be lonely anymore.
The Scriptures make it clear that God cares very much about fatherless children and orphans in our world. He is calling each of us to do our part for those children. It is not unusual for people to donate to needy children at Christmas time. That is nice, but they need our help throughout the year.
There are many charities that benefit such children year-round. You could become a volunteer for one of them. Or you could offer to regularly spend time with the children of single mothers among your family, friends, or neighbors. Whether you help children learn to read or play soccer, your love and concern can make a real difference. You will never know the joy that you may receive in return until you commit yourself to a needy child.
We wish you well,
Linda