For the past three years I have been in a relationship with an extraordinary woman that I intend to marry. Recently I went with some friends to an erotic club…. A girl who worked there offered me a private dance that involves touching her, and I did it…. But I did not have sexual relations with her…. I only touched her body, and then ran out of there because I felt very dirty…. I’m really sorry for what I did…. I know that it was my fault and mine alone.
I haven’t told my girlfriend because I know it will hurt her and cause her a lot of pain. Can God forgive me? … Sometimes I feel like the guilt is sucking the breath out of me. I have nightmares and I’m very sad that I might lose her and that I’ve failed God…. Should I tell her what I did?
Dear Friend,
The guilt that you are experiencing is proof that God is speaking to your conscience. Even though you made a very bad choice, God is obviously trying to get your attention and let you know that He wants to forgive you.
God created each of us with an internal warning system that is known as our conscience. When we sin, and then feel guilty for what we have done, that means our warning system is working. However, if we ignore the warning system and continue to practice the same sin, the warning system eventually stops alerting us. So what should we do when our conscience alerts us that we have done wrong? That is the time to acknowledge our sin to God Himself in prayer and ask Him to forgive us.
The punishment for your sin and my sin was already taken by His Son Jesus Christ when He died on the cross of Calvary, so we don’t have to be punished by God. Instead, we get to accept His forgiveness and determine to never sin in that way again.
However, if there are natural consequences for what we have done, we still have to face them. In your case, the natural consequence is having to tell your girlfriend what you did. As long as the secret exists, it will be a barrier between the two of you, so it is better to tell her as soon as possible.
Yes, it will hurt her and she will probably be angry with you. You will most likely have to gain her trust again, and that may take a long time. But she will eventually come to realize that because you confessed and told her the truth, as painful as it was, she can expect you to be honest with her in the future.
What happened to you is proof that you have some friends who are not concerned about your relationship with God nor with your girlfriend. We advise you to stay away from those friends and to choose your future friends more wisely.
We wish you well,
Linda